Saturday, June 4, 2011

I wonder...

I wonder what life would be like. What Sunday afternoons would be like. What family parties would be like. If she was still alive. I would have a true mother-in-law. Not a step-mother-in-law who feels like a mother-in-law to my own husband. Would there be as much drama? As much stress? Would I have more of a mother-in-law relationship with her, or more of a mother relationship?

Sometimes I want to ask her things. How to perfectly make a pumpkin roll. How to deal with Rocky's depression flare-ups. How to mother my own daughter.

How would our family dynamics be different? Would it just be the 6 of us at the dinner table instead of the 12 of us? We would never have met the other girls. Rocky's step-sisters. It's difficult to begin a blended family when we're all adults. There wouldn't be a "lakehouse" and a "Byron house." Would we all still attend the same church?

I wonder.

Would she like Abby? Would Abby like her? Would she see the Velzen genes in her? Would she teach Abby to waterski? Would she want to have Abby sleepover?

I had a difficult time putting together this page in Abby's scrapbook a couple weeks ago:

I wonder how things would be different. But I can't change what happened. I have to embrace what our family is today. Sometimes it's just so difficult... 


1 comment:

Debbie Stapert said...

I can't pretend to know what it is like to lose a parent, but I do know what it was like to be a child who never met either of her grandmothers. Abby has two wonderful, committed, faithful, loving parents who will teach her the love and faithfulness of God. She, and any future children, will know that someday they will meet their grandmother in heaven, as well as the other generations who have gone before. Don't hesitate to tell her stories about Linda, to allow her to get to know her through you and Rocky. I know stories of my Oma and they've helped me know and understand her and my mom better. I wish I knew more about my grandma, I really know nothing, and I miss that connection. Give Abby the stories, and she'll be a part of her life even as she waits to meet Abby in heaven.

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