I Will Lift My Eyes

Ok so my song for this week is not one we’re singing in church. I even had a different song from our service all picked out to write about. But God had other plans, and every time this song came on the radio the last week it’s just tugged at my heart… it’s by Bebo Norman.

God, my God, I cry out, Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear, and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

My grandpa passed away last weekend. He’s not my true blood grandpa, he’s actually a step-grandpa. You see, my dad’s parents got divorced (after 4 kids) and my grandma remarried when I was a year and a half old. I still see my other, real grandpa (who has since remarried too), and I’ve just grown up used to the fact that I have a total of 3 sets of grandparents.

Divorce is very common on my dad’s side of the family. Between his parents and 3 other siblings, only one original couple is still together. Even my oldest cousin has been divorced and remarried. As far as I know, none of them are Christians. They’re all great people, but I don’t think they have made Christ the Lord of their lives. I worry about my dad at times. I know he made a commitment to Christ awhile ago, but I don’t see him living it every day.

And so it’s with a heavy heart that I’ve thought about all of this the last few days, and this song continues to pop out at me. I’ve heard it many times before now, I even have the lyrics memorized from when Rocky and I had thought about introducing it to praise band a few months ago. So why is it striking such a strong chord with me now?

The psalmist wrote, “I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” This song has such a simple message, and is the prayer of many people’s hearts… God my God, I cry out! Your beloved needs You now… I guess that’s how I’ve felt recently. As I wrestle with mid-winter blues and the stresses of work, and realizing it’s been two years since my dad first told me he was filing for divorce, and now losing Grandpa Jim… whom I really didn’t know all that well, but seeing my grandma hurting so much hurts me too.

All I can do is cry out… God be near, calm my fear, and take my doubt. And all it takes is lifting my eyes? That doesn’t sound so hard. I think of the Israelites when they wandered in the desert for 40 years, and one time after their complaining God sent poisonous snakes to bite the people. Then Moses made a bronze snake and set it up on a pole, and all the people had to do was to lift their eyes to the snake and they would be healed.

It sounds so easy. Do I have the faith that God will truly heal my hurts, and all I need to do is look up to Him?